a mess since the second you left
by BiPride76
Summary: Robin blinked. Nancy Wheeler. The girl Steve has been terribly in love with for about as long as Robin has known him. The girl that broke her best friend's heart, irreparably, undeniably, hopelessly. (pt. 1 of you make me feel better)


"I don't deserve it."

The admission came suddenly in a comfortable lull of silence that was between large laughs about their cheap Scoops Ahoy outfits and the Mandy Patkins' latest bedazzled get up. They were both laying on Robin's bedroom floor, a random movie on as background noise, beers open and half finished scattered around them.

Robin was definitely buzzing.

But it was less so from the drinks and more so from Steve's easy company. She's never had a best friend before. Not one that she could talk about girls to with no judgement, not one she could readily insult without fear of them taking it to heart, not one that made her as happy as this.

Which only made his quiet self deprecating tone hurt even more.

"Don't deserve what?" She asked.

Steve turned to Robin and the clarity in his eyes made her sit up slightly. This wasn't just a alcohol induced daze of a comment, this was a real worry.

They've had soft emotional conversations before, whether they were in the middle of a empty Scoops, with Robin and Steve's quiet voices mixing together between the toppings and spoons or at Steve's empty empty house by the pool, their words almost covered by the gurgle of the water filter.

They'd gone over old pain, broken families, weird triggers that they couldn't let go off. Because, if Robin was being real with herself, Steve was the only person she could air this out to unless she was talking to herself.

But there was something about this that felt different.

The hurt in his voice felt...recent.

Also, doesn't deserve it?

Robin would've scoffed had she not known that Steve used to be a huge dick. But even so, Robin still scoffed because now? Seeing Steve with the ridiculous- probably growing- number of children, all soft eyes and excited grins and careful hands was almost enough to make Robin sick.

In the absolute best way.

So, didn't deserve it? Robin had the upmost confidence that unless Steve was talking about Robin's break time or a thousand dollars in cash, she wouldn't hesitate to disagree.

"Them." He sighed. His tone was wistful and longing. "Nance. Jonathan. It's been nice."

Robin blinked.

Nance? She combed her mind for the name and then-

Nancy Wheeler. The girl Steve has been terribly in love with for about as long as Robin has known him. The girl that made Steve heave sighs so heavy that Robin felt them in her chest.

The girl that broke her best friend's heart, irreparably, undeniably, hopelessly.

"Nancy?" Robin clarified and Steve made a sound. A sort of half sob, half laugh that told Robin, either Steve wasn't as sober as she originally thought or this was him. Completely unguarded, totally real.

It warmed Robin to her core that'd she's one of the few- probably the only- that would see Steve like this.

It also cut her deep.

It was horrible that people would never see this.

That they would never see Steve at his lowest, falling apart, shaking with images of other worldly creatures and angry fathers, desperate to cling to the simple facts of life. They would never see him at his highest, music blaring as he twirled her around his huge living room, eyes crinkled and cheeks flushed red.

But Robin was selfish.

She didn't want people to see Steve the way she did. She didn't want people to see him with warmth oozing out of his soul because she knew- she knew- he was a catch.

If people took a second glance behind all that bravado and hairspray, they'd see someone who was so worth it that it hurt.

So yeah, Robin didn't want people to see Steve the way she did. Especially not Nancy Wheeler. She had her chance.

"Yeah." He paused, swallowed, curled his fingers into her fluffy rug. "She's-"

He sighed, deep and heavy and again Robin had to shift with how much her own chest ached. Robin had come to learn there were two ways that Steve talked about Nancy. Like they were in a movie and he was main love interest, all sweet and lovesick and adorably painful.

She's beautiful Rob, absolutely stunning.

She's fierce, you'd love her. She'd punch me in the face if she had to.

She's so caring that I'm half convinced she's an angel. It's amazing.

And then, like a wilted bouquet of flowers, he'd deflate, curling into himself. His soft look shattered by reality and that terrible terrible insecurity that Robin wanted to bodily yank out of him.

God, she's so good. Too good. I didn't deserve her.

She was perfect. Everything I wanted, I can't believe I screwed it up.

She put up with me for so long. I was bullshit long before she snapped and finally told me.

"-She's great." Steve sighed, his fingers unfurling from the rug. "She looks at me like- it's good now Robin. She looks at me like you do."

Robin can't help the frown that tugs at her lips because he didn't say it but she could hear what he was saying.

She looks at me like I'm worth it.

Robin shifted forward, her chest heavier now, her heart pulling in a way that only Steve Harrington can get it to. There's some emotion making her eyes sting and her throat tighten, maybe desperation, maybe love.

She puts a hand on Steve's shoulder, swiveling him so she could look him directly in the eyes. She was briefly startled by the mix of pain and happiness that she saw.

"You listen to me you idiot." She started, unconsciously shaking his shoulder. "You have worth. You have worth. You have worth."

Steve blinked, his brown eyes dampening right before Robin's blue ones.

"You can be in love with Nancy Wheeler. Sing songs about her, scream about her to the heavens. Whatever. But don't you think for a second that me or her or Jonathan Byers can decide whether you have worth. And so what, you've made mistakes. Everyone has. That doesn't determine shit about worth."

Steve ducked his head, his brown hair flopping against his forehead.

Robin resisted the urge to brush that hair back and her voice dipped down low. "You are worth so much. Nancy Wheeler wishes she could measure up."

Then, she began to feel squirmy because of the feelings and softness and ugh, so she tacked on- "And she wishes she had that ass."

Steve's head rose back up at that. He gently pushed her away and Robin went, moving away, a smile starting to curve on her lips.

"You don't even like guys." He scoffed, trying to play cool but it was useless because Robin could see the high spots of red on her cheeks.

"True." She nodded. "But, I know a catch when I see one. And you, Steve Harrington, are one fine fish."

There was a pause. Steve blinked, processing all of that and Robin blinked, having surprised herself.

And then, they burst out into laughter.

Robin was warm, so warm and genuinely happy. Her relief felt like taking Steve's heavy leather jacket off her shoulders and walking right into his arms. In the middle of his laugh, which was wild, all limbs thrown and shoulders shaking, he accidentally knocked his beer on his jeans and their laughter sharpened and turned almost deafening.

Robin, still snorting, hurried to get a towel and Steve gladly took it.

"Fine fish." He said softly, a fond chuckle in his voice. "I can't believe-"

"Listen, we don't have to keep talking about it." Robin sighed but her voice was fond. As it always was. "We can leave it in the past."

Steve nodded, still smiling but he didn't continue to pick on it.

There was a lull where Steve worked on his jeans and Robin just sat and breathed. Her chest still hurt. But it wasn't like before when it was heavy, now it was an ache.

A nice ache.

Something that came along with a chest heaving, stomach clenching, full on belly laugh.

"But-" Steve started. The nervous pause made Robin snap to attention. "I want to say thanks."

He looked bashful, his head ducked again but not enough for his hair to hide his pink cheeks.

"I- I appreciate it. I appreciate you." He looked up and Robin half melted. "You're my best friend and I can't imagine it being like this with anyone else. I- I love you."

"You dumbass." Robin sniffed. "I love you too. This emotional shit is disgusting."

Steve chuckled, gently nudging Robin's shoulder with his own. "Well, we can always talk about fine fish if you want."

"Oh my God, I hate you Steve Harrington."

"Ah, no you don't."

And he was right. She didn't.


End file.
